


A Brief Foray Into Filipino Cuisine

by TheW0rldAsSeenInBaybayin



Series: SVTFOE One Shots [7]
Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Comedy, Culture, Filipino Character, Food, Gen, Humor, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29996847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheW0rldAsSeenInBaybayin/pseuds/TheW0rldAsSeenInBaybayin
Summary: A quick trip through the Ordonias’ dining table with our good friend Janna Banana.Yes, Marco, people eat those.  Don’t judge.
Series: SVTFOE One Shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130777
Kudos: 2





	1. Balut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves.

“Janna,” Marco yelled, “what the heck is this?! I can definitely feel something inside these eggshells, and it’s most certainly not whites and yolk!”

The witch frowned. “That? Oh, that’s what we call _balut_ in the Philippines. Fertilized chicken embryos boiled in a pot and eaten, dead chick and all.”

Marco shuddered. “Eww. Do people actually eat that, or are you pulling my leg again?”

Janna smirked, pulling an egg from the steaming basket as she teasingly leaned forward on the table. “Why would I lie to you about these kinds of things?”

“Because something as _revolting_ as you just described does sound like something you’d needle me about. Unless that _is_ something you people eat, which I find highly unlikely—”

“Yes, Marco, it’s a popular snack in the Philippines, so be polite. Want to see?”

“Yeeeaaah, sorry for insulting your cuisine but no thank you—”

“Really? Can I see?”

The Latino started, “Star, please don’t encourage her!”

“Yeah, too late.” With a spoon, Janna gently cracked the shell and removed the outer casing from the tip of the egg, revealing the fertilized embryo within. The Filipina tilted the cracked egg and its contents to Star and Marco for them to see; the couple instantly recoiled, their faces turning green at the nauseating sight of the steamed, unhatched and now liquefied chick. Janna smirked.

“What, too disgusting for your liking?”

“Are you kidding? It hasn’t even hatched yet!”

Star sobbed, “The poor little thing’s _died!”_

“Wait, what did you say that was?” Tom asked, curiously walking over from the Ordonia’s living room.

“ _Balut_ , boiled embryos. Really delicious. Want some?”

The demon paused, then shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

Marco and Star looked in sickened horror as the demon picked up Janna’s egg and promptly munched at it, peeling the egg shells off before sucking and swallowing it whole. Tom gently chewed and smacked his lips, nodding appreciatively before turning to the awaiting crowd.

Janna raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Well?”

The demon grinned. “It’s actually rather tasty. Can I have another one?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This particular shot was inspired by a [post/webcomic](https://lifewithost.tumblr.com/post/157968983727/so) on Tumblr as well as a recent discussion regarding Filipino food and culture. Hope you enjoyed or at the very least didn’t throw up.
> 
> Another one shot tomorrow.


	2. Lechon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A demon, a princess, a witch, and a roast pig.
> 
> Don’t worry, it’s nothing as weird as before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something extra, slightly one day later than planned.

Star gasped, “You roast an entire pig at the spit, too?”

Janna chuckled. “Yep, the entire pig gets doused in spices and sauce then cut into bits for everyone to enjoy. How are you doing, guys?”

“Must…hold…on…for…another…five…seconds…put it on the table, Tom… _Dios mio,_ that pig’s heavy.”

“Thanks, Marco. Here you go, Star. Try and see if you can saw the belly off of the pig; that part is _especially_ delicious.”

“On it!”

Licking her lips, the beanie-clad woman grinned menacingly in anticipation of the meal ahead. “Three long years since I last got to try you out, three long and unbearable years since our last encounter in Pampanga. Now, Mr. Cutlets, prepare to meet your inevitable demise! _Mwahahahaha—_ hey, wait a minute.” Janna frowned. “Where’s the apple? _Nasaan yung apple?”_ [1]

Marco looked up at her in confusion. “What apple?”

Quickly looking around in growing panic, the Filipina hurriedly replied, “There’s supposed to be an apple right between the jaws of the pig; it’s not a true _lechon_ without the apple. _Hoy, sinong kumuha ng apple galing sa lechon?!”_ [2]

“What, you mean this?” Tom candidly replied, standing on the side as he munched on the red fruit. Janna instantly snatched it from the demon and stuffed it back into the pig’s mouth, silencing Tom’s annoyed protests with a loud slap to the face.

“Don’t do that again.”

“Okay,” Tom meekly replied, gently rubbing his stinging cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Translation:**  
>  [1] [”Where’s the apple?”](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jgRbyzc1ZzA)  
> [2] “Hey, who took the apple from the lechon?”


	3. Camaron Rebosado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’ll be honest—writing these cuisine-themed one shots is actually rather fun. If I get another idea for a specific recipe then I’ll write something, and do write a suggestion in the comments if anything in particular comes to mind.
> 
> So much for a “brief” foray.
> 
> Enjoy!

“No boiled embryos?”

“Heh, no. Not this time.”

“No more heavy roasted pigs for me and Tom to carry?”

“Nope.”

Marco glared at his host with suspicion. “What’s this, then?”

 _“Camaron rebosado_ , shrimps wrapped in batter and fried. Nothing of the ‘odd’ or ‘questionable’ type. Here, take a bite.” Spearing one of the pieces with a fork, Janna held it before her guest’s mouth. “Go on, try it,” she offered.

Keeping his eyes on Janna’s infamous poker face, Marco warily opened his lips and engulfed the shrimp, slowly chewing on the dish. Gradually, his eyebrows raised into his forehead and his eyes widened in pleasant surprise; the woman’s lips pursed into a pleased grin as Marco turned to look at her with a hazy, satisfied expression. 

“Huh, it’s actually rather delicious. Pass me a plate of them, will you?”

Smirking, the Filipina pulled a platter from the pile and scooped a couple of shrimps onto the plate. Marco eagerly took the plate, nodding in thanks, and walked off towards Star who was currently entertaining several of the other guests with her magic wand. He brushed by Tom, who raised an amused eyebrow at the Latino’s pleasant expression and began walking towards the table.

“Marco’s in a good mood today, isn’t he?” the demon observed, gesturing to the human with his thumb.

His interlocutor grinned. “Guess I finally convinced him to try out Filipino cuisine without him puking around at the mere sight of the dead animals.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have started off with the fertilized embryos,” Tom drily remarked.

“Nah, where’s the fun in that?”

“Yeah, like you’d suddenly start acting all safe and careful like him. What was that he was eating, anyway?”

“ _Camaron rebosado._ ”

“Oh, really?” Tom frowned. “Hang on, isn’t Marco allergic to seafood?”

Turning to the Latino who was happily munching on a shrimp at the side, Janna paused, but ultimately shrugged it off. “Meh, I dunno. Probably not.”

The subsequent trip to the hospital suggested otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anything bad happens in SVTFOE, it’s bound to happen to Marco. It’s a law of nature, and we all get a laugh out of it.
> 
> Seriously, though, do check if you’re allergic to the dish at hand before eating it.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	4. Halo-Halo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yummy.
> 
> (Janna and Star)

_ —mmslurch slurp hlirp slurp mmslurch hlirp— _

“Mmm…”

_ —slurp schlurp schlurp mmslurch— _

“Mmmmm…”

_ —crunch crunch schlarp schlarp slurp hlirp mmslurch— _

“Yum, yum…”

_ —schlarp schlarp hlirp slurp mmslurch— _

_ —crackle crackle schlarp hlirp— _

_ —hlirp, tack tack tack— _

“You finished?”

“Yeaaah, just this little bit I need to scoop up with my spoon. Oh, that’s delicious.”

“Heavenly.”

“Mmm, anything with ice cream in it tastes gooood…”

“You said it, Star. You said it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delicious, and the Wikipedia photo doesn’t even do it justice.


End file.
